Mazel Tov

Yesterday I attended my first wedding sans hubby. I took yesterday and today off work to prepare and recover. I almost didn't make it to the wedding because I was way too busy crying my heart out and generally feeling sorry for myself.

I'd been to one Jewish wedding before, and that was last summer, with Simon. So I thought I knew what to expect. Apparently Jewish weddings are just as diverse as any Western wedding so it was an entirely new experience for me.

I was doing okay as my friend, the Bride, was walking down the aisle. She looked absolutely stunning and radiant. I could see the joy and love emanating from her. That of course immediately brought back memories of my own walk down the aisle. I managed to suck back the tears as she walked past me and gave her the biggest smile I could muster.

During the ceremony, the Rabbi was extremely detailed in his explanations of the various customs and their history. I found this incredibly informative and very unlike last year's Jewish wedding where they didn't explain anything. I asked one of the guests later in the evening if this was done just for us non-Jews, and he said every wedding he'd been a part of, it was customary for the explanations to accompany the ceremony.

One part of the ceremony was the reading of the marriage contract, the Ketubah, which had been signed just prior to the gathering under the Huppah. This contract is signed by the Husband, and it states his obligations to the Wife. It includes the Seven Blessings and it is read aloud under the Huppah, in front of various Kosher dignitaries, making it a holy union as well as a legal contract.

The Rabbi said that even before the women's movement and women's rights were recognized, the Jewish people knew how important it is for men to honour women. It is so important that it is only the man who signs the contract. The Rabbi said that women are not made to sign a contract as their word is worth more than the word of the men. That got a big laugh from the guests.

That is when I became so incredibly overwhelmed that I burst into tears. I just kept thinking about how my husband has not honoured our marriage contract. I heard the Rabbi's words over and over in my mind, "Marriage is a holy union." Although I'm not religious, marriage is one of the few things I do consider to be holy.

(Let me quickly insert here that I believe EVERYONE has the right to get married, straight or gay. So when I say marriage is a holy thing, it doesn't mean that I think the Catholic church's definition is the only option.)

It took me a few minutes, but I managed to pull myself together and enjoyed the rest of the ceremony. I got very excited when the Groom smashed the wine glass with his right foot and all of us yelled "MAZEL TOV!"

The rest of the evening was a lot of fun. There was the crazy hoisting the Bride & Groom up on chairs and bouncing them up and down. And the traditional circle dancing to "Hava Nagila". As well as the obligatory never ending speeches, along with the drunken speech from the Best Man. And of course the bouquet toss.

I wasn't going to be a part of the toss at first. Although Simon and I are separated, with a signed agreement saying we can behave as though unmarried, I still feel obligated to him. In my heart, I am still married to him and until we get a divorce from the courts, I will continue to honour my vows. But my two friends felt otherwise and dragged me on to the dance floor where the Bride awaited to chuck a piece of her happiness into the pool of singletons, hoping her luck rubs off on them.

One! Two! Three! Four! and up it flew, then down it came, hitting me right in the knee. The bouquet dropped to the floor just a few inches in front of me. At first I didn't move. I was looking at it as if it were a snake ready to bite me. I looked around to see if anyone was making a move for it. No such luck. So I bent down and scooped it up. I looked up at the Bride and she had a big smile on her face. I walked up to her and mouthed the words "Number two". She gave me a hug and I whispered to her, "I'm sure your brother is wondering what the hell I'm doing catching the bouquet." She gave me an understanding smile.

The garter toss was next - it was caught by one of the groomsmen, who happened to be sitting at the table next to mine. Of course everyone at both tables were saying how we'll be married next, and maybe even marry each other! That's when I made a beeline for the bar.