Communication Breakdown

I was just watching Friday's episode of my soap opera on tape, and one of the characters uttered a statement that I just had to share.

"What comes out of my mouth and what you hear are so profoundly different, it's like we speak a different language."

That ladies and gentlemen, exactly illustrates the fundamental problem in trying to communicate with my soon to be ex-husband. Every conversation, every phone call, every e-mail ended up with the same result - he never really heard what I was saying to him. Especially towards the end. I told him over and over and over that if he didn't go to counselling to get his anger and jealousy in check, I WOULD END THE MARRIAGE. He NEVER heard that. Never. Ever. Obviously so, since we are no longer together.

I've been forwarding the crazy e-mails I get from Simon to my Divorce Twin, and she came up with her own summary of these conversations.

YOU: We need counselling.

HIM: My refrigerator is cold.

YOU: Simon, we need help. YOU need help.

HIM: Take that back. Or I'll take the keys and put them in the microwave.

YOU: Are you listening to me?!

HIM: Why are you so angry? You don't respect me! Green is the new yellow!

YOU: I'm leaving.

HIM: Sushi, much? What about the dogs? Zigazigah!

Seriously, it's that ridiculous. Do not write back to him. DO NOT write back to him.

It just goes to show you, art imitates life for a damn good reason.