Worst Day Ever

I called the Superior Court of Justice this morning to see if my divorce application had been cleared by Ottawa. Much to my surprise, it was back!!!

My stomach started doing flips and my heart started beating a million beats a second. I called my DT to let her know about the amazing news! She immediately called the court to see if hers was back too - it was!!!

We made plans to meet at the courthouse at 3:30pm so we could file the 2nd and final set of papers.

I scrambled around my apartment grabbing all my documentation - original application, original separation agreement, original marriage certificate and anything else I thought I would need.

I was late for work, but I didn't care. I was flying high and nothing was going to pull me down! I sent out an email to everyone I know announcing the good news. I told my coworkers that I was leaving at 3pm to go get my divorce!! I felt like I had won the superball of all lotteries.

My DT was freaking out in a different way. She was terrified and crying and doubting everything. I told her it was going to be FINE. I would carry her on my back if I had to, to get her through these last steps.

I was the happiest girl in the world until 4pm, when much to my horror, I was told by the court that they would NOT process my application until on or after July 15th, as that date is the one year anniversary of my separation. And the law says I must be separated for a year. And the court must uphold the law.

Which begs me to ask, why did Ottawa clear my application?

WTF?!

If Ottawa says it's okay, then the court should also say it's okay! If my application was not compliant with the law, then Ottawa should not have cleared it, and put it on hold until such time that it becomes compliant with the law.

Now I know why people send bombs in the mail to the Government.

I have 16 more exruciating weeks until I can go back and have them process the application. I'm taking Tuesday July 15th off of work, going to the court at 8am, be first in line, get it done, and then head to the nearest pub. If any of you care to join me I'll be grateful for the company, and for y'all scraping me off the floor and making sure I get home in one piece.

Faux Beau No More

I fixed up my Faux Beau with a friend of mine. They hit it off and are now happily coupled.

So no more movie cuddle fests for me.

I guess I have to work on finding a real beau. Yeesh.

Just Because

Sometimes I need to be childish in expressing my anger towards Simon.

Ahhh. I feel better.

Get Your Own Wardrobe

A friend of mine told me that Simon has another new girlfriend. It's all over his Facebook page, but what else is new. Ppffftttt.

Both his and her profile have a picture of the two of them. The thing that strikes me about the pictures is that he's still wearing the same clothes that I bought for him when we were together. And he's still wearing the watch that I gave him for Christmas 2005.

As with most gifts, I put a lot of thought into them. And if it takes me weeks to find the perfect gift, then I will put in that time. And usually cost is not a deciding factor.

The watch I gave him was a special edition Fossil watch, made specifically for The Matrix movie in 1999. He loves The Matrix trilogy. I searched high and low for that watch. I eventually found it on Ebay, in Korea. I paid a pretty penny for that watch. I made sure it would be delivered in time for him to open it on Christmas morning.

He loved it (of course) and whenever someone would pay him a compliment on the watch, he'd be sure to let them know that his wife gave him the watch as a Christmas present. He got a LOT of compliments on that watch. It really is a freaking cool watch.

So I wonder what he says now? I wonder what he told his current girlfriend about the watch. I wonder what he tells new people about the watch. Imagine, he's at karaoke with his new gf, and the waitress notices the watch. "Here's your beer. Wow, that's a really great watch! Where did you get it?"

I would hope it would go something like this:

Idiot Boy: "Thanks. Yeah, it's a really nice watch."

Waitress: "So where did you get it?"

IB: "Um, my wife gave it to me."

W: (turning to new gf) "Oh wow, you must really love him."

GF: "I'm not his wife."

(awkward silence)

W: "Well, just let me know if you want anything else."

GF: "You should stop wearing that watch."

I can imagine the same scenarios with his clothes, because I got him some really awesome stuff. And I hope everytime he gets dressed in the morning, he looks in the mirror and he sees my face. And I hope he chokes on it. And I hope she chokes on it too when she's doing his laundry. Especially his underwear, cuz I bought them for him too.

Double Ppffffftttt.

Jordan

One of the loose ends I've been wanting to tie up is saying a proper goodbye to my stepdaughter Jordan.

I loved her as if she were my own. And she was very easy to love because she was just such an adorable and pleasant little girl.

So it broke my heart that I didn't get the chance to let her know even though things didn't work out between me and her father, I will always hold her in a special place in my heart.

The last time I saw Simon face to face was before Christmas (see post "Wreckage Part III"), and I had asked him what he had told Jordan about our separation. The answer of course, was nothing because Simon has no clue about reality, let alone child rearing.

I couldn't put my finger on why this has been bothering me so much, to the point where I was starting to obsess about it. A session with my therapist shed some much needed light on this subject. Did I mention how much I am loving therapy?

As I was explaining the situation to my therapist, I started to cry pretty hard about it. I don't think I've cried that hard in a session since just after having thrown Simon out. The last time I saw Jordan, I told her I'd see her again real soon. And then poof, I vanished and Simon did nothing to explain why.

I made the connection to my mother's death, and how I've had zero closure with that. The last time I saw my mother alive was probably about a week before she passed away. I remember crying really hard, not wanting to leave her. She hugged and kissed me and promised she'd see me again real soon. And then poof, she vanished. I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral (neither did my brothers). I never got to see her again to have a final goodbye.

I remember for years after her death thinking it was all a mistake. After all, she had promised she'd see me again real soon. And my mom would never lie to me.

I didn't want what happened to me to happen to Jordan. Obviously I'm not her mother. And obviously I'm not on her top 10 list of most important people. But she was a loving little girl who bonded to me very quickly and I just didn't want her to be confused.

My therapist asked me what it was I wanted to do to bring me some closure. I told her that I wanted to write to Gillian, Jordan's mother, and simply say that I would have liked to have said goodbye in person. Since the circumstances didn't allow for me to do that, I wanted Gillian to at least explain to Jordan that I am saying goodbye.

So with my therapist's blessing, I sent an email to Gillian. Here it is, with the response I received.

To: Gillian <*******@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 5:21 PM
Subject: Loose Ends

Hi Gillian,

I'm not sure what Simon has told you, but he and I have been separated since July. I served him with divorce papers this past Monday. The whole thing should be finalized by the summer.

I wanted to let you know that I think of Jordan often. You have an amazing little girl who is so sweet and smart. You have done a fantastic job bringing her up.

I never got a chance to say goodbye to Jordan in person, and that has been a loose end I've wanted to tie up. So I thought I would just send you this email and if you feel it is appropriate, please let her know that she has and always will have a special place in my heart.

I wish you, Jordan, Jeff and your baby boy all the happiness in world.

From: Gillian <*******@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 7:17 PM
Subject: RE: Loose Ends

Hi.

I did actually know you were separated. I'm sorry things didn't work out. Jordan was upset when she heard and she still talks about you a lot. Trust me, I know how special she is! :)

Thank you for saying I had anything to do with that; she's just a super special little thing. I definitely will tell her - actually I will show her this email so she will know. I can tell you in advance that she will be very happy to hear from you.

Thanks, and the best to you too. Onwards and upwards!

gillian

In the moment it took me to read her response, I experienced something which I have never experienced before - closure.

Closure is peaceful, kind, quiet and light. I am grateful for this gift that Gillian has given me.

08-FD-336102 - Part I

I am really glad that I had my Divorce Twin with me when I filed for divorce. It was a weird and unorganized building, with weird and unorganized people. I know the government has a bad rep for being totally ass-backwards, but for some reason I thought that was just a misconception perpetuated by people for whom the system did not smile down in their favour. I was wrong. The whole damn place was a disaster and it's no wonder why people constantly curse how our tax dollars are being spent.

We came off the elevator onto the 10th floor of 393 University Ave. There weren't any clear labels as to where we were. Just a big bulletin board with a ton of paper tacked to it. We looked to the right, and then to the left, and then down to our forms to make sure we got the right floor. Yup, 10th floor. We decided to go to the left.

A big mess of cubicles with a bunch of people meandering aimlessly was the scene we were met with. DT and I looked at each other and were both thinking the same thing - there is no way THIS is an official courthouse. We went back into the hallway to see if we had missed something, like a worm hole to get us out of there. No such luck.

We went back into the maze and saw a sign that said we were to get a number, with an arrow pointing to the left. So we look to the left. And all we see are more messy cubicles with more confused people wandering around. There was nothing indicating where we were to get a number.

I finally noticed a sign that said "Information" hanging over a desk that was placed haphazardly in the middle of the messy cubicles and wandering people. There were several stanchions around the desk, but they weren't placed in a manner which indicated where the line was to form. So we stood at the end of the stanchions, where we believed the line was to start. There was a man already at the desk speaking with the attendant. So we waited.

The attendant behind the desk waved us over. "How can I help you?" I say, "We're here to file for divorce." He looked up at the both of us, with a quizzical look on his face. DT piped up with, "Not from each other!" The lady behind us started laughing her head off.

He took a look at our forms and told us we would need to make copies, and gave us each a number. He pointed us in the direction of the copy room. It turns out that the government charges you FIFTY CENTS PER PAGE to use their shitty old photocopiers. If the stupid website had said anything about needing an extra copy, I would have just made it at work for FREE. Geez.

After spending $5 between the two of us, we went back into the crazy room and took a seat. It wasn't too long before my number came up and I made my way over to one of the messy cubicles.

The lady there looked like a pleasant woman. She said hello and asked me what I was there for. I said, "I'm filing for divorce." Now, I don't know what I was expecting her response to be, as I'm sure she deals with thousands of filings a year. But I was expecting something. I'm a young, nice looking girl. I would think a simple "Oh I'm sorry to hear that" would have sufficed. But she said nothing.

She took my papers and started typing, typing, typing. She had a fan turned on, it was set up just behind her monitor. My papers kept getting caught up in the breeze. Type, type, paper blowing, catch, type, type, paper blowing, catch, type, type. It was amusing at first. I wondered how long she would continue to just let the papers blow away. Then it got annoying. What should have taken her maybe 5 minutes had turned into 10 minutes because she had to stop every 10 seconds to keep my papers from flying away.

I wanted to scream "JUST ANGLE THE FUCKING FAN TWO MILLIMETERS TO THE LEFT" but instead, I looked around at the chaos behind the cubicles. One word sums it up - PAPER. Piles of paper everywhere. I'm sure to the untrained, non governmental eye it looks like a mess. But to those who have pledged their lives to making our legal system the fine bureaucratic machine it is, I was in fact looking at the most advanced filing system on the planet. Yeah right. After the lady finished playing blow and catch with my paperwork, she wrote a case number on it, signed it, stamped it, sealed it and asked me for payment. It cost me $167 (GST included!) for all that nonsense. She told me to go back to the information desk to be given instructions on what the next steps are.

File file file

So a few posts ago I had made the decision that I wasn't going to file for divorce. Well, I've changed my mind.

I kept reading that nasty little email Simon sent me for my birthday and the part where he said, "I'm still your husband so respect me" has raised more than a few alarm bells in my head.

I've dreamt about him every night this past week. In all of those dreams, he's come back to me and he's 100% normal. Also, I remember thinking to myself, thank goodness we got back together again and worked everything out.

I guess a small part of me still really hopes that someday he'll come knock on my door and tell me that he's changed, he's fixed it all, and he'll never abuse me again.

My DT is filing tomorrow and she's been encouraging me to do the same. When we talk on the phone, she'll randomly whisper "File, file, file" at the end of sentences. She's so hilarious - I thank my lucky stars I have a funny DT.

Today she called me to see if I could come with her to the court house tomorrow. (Of course) She slipped in another not-so-subliminal "File" message.

That, coupled with the stupid birthday email and crazy dreams, made me stop for a moment and really think about it again.

I was trying to get him to take responsibility for something in the marriage, hence leaving the divorce up to him. However the fact of the matter is, if he were the responsible type, we wouldn't be getting a divorce.

So folks, tomorrow is D-Day for me. Let the death of my marriage finally begin.

Done Over

My birthday party was a super duper SUCCESS!! Everything happened the way it should have happened 2 years ago.

I had 30 of my friends and family help me celebrate the end of a craptastic year, and the beginning of a bright and shiny new one.

Thank you to everyone who helped make this birthday a memory that will be treasured forever.

WTF

This speaks for itself. A small mark on an otherwise perfectly lovely birthday. My apologies (always) for the grammatical horrors.

From: Simon <***********@gmail.com>
Date: Feb 8, 2008 6:01 PM
Subject: happy birthday

even though you like to put me down and bash me behind my back,im still the bigger person.

please take [down] those disgusting comments of me even if its true or not..thats not right..(THE BOWLING NIGHT EVENT)

im still your husband so respect me...ppl have asked me what happened and i just said it didnt work out..do you want me to say to ppl that you were a prude or disfuctional in relationships and bossy, and maybe a person that likes to be center of attention, just because she had a bad childhood.

no i wouldnt do that..actually quite often i think about you like today so dont be a bitch.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...AND STOP BEING NASTY OK!!!!

THATS HALF THE REASON WHY I LEFT YOU!!!!

SO NO MORE BASHING ME PLZ...be an adult you are a year older act it.

Rosie

This post has nothing to do with my marriage. However, it's exciting for me, so I thought I would share it with you all.

I am a devout Rosie O'Donnell fan. I have watched and read everything she has done. Including her now very famous blog at http://www.rosie.com/.

She has a feature called "Ask Ro", where you can submit one question daily. I of course have done this many times without any response. Usually someone else asks a similar question and gets answered, so I indirectly get an answer. Never my question, until TODAY! WHOO HOO. And a day before my birthday too. How cool is that?

Here's a picture of her blog's updated status:

Here's a picture I saw of Rosie today:

And here's the question and answer about this picture:

Here's the permalink: http://www.rosie.com/blog/2008/02/07/ask-ro/ My question is the 12th one down from the top.

YAY!!

Labels

I am an email pack rat. Usually I just leave them in my inbox. I hate deleting them because I have found that more often than not, I need to reference an email. Sometimes even up to a few years after I received it.

Gmail has a bunch of handy features, my favourite being labels. Instead of creating folders to file away your emails, you just apply a label to it and then a single click will archive it. So anytime you need to find something, you just click on a label and it will pull up all the emails you've tagged. With Gmail labels, they exist as links on the left hand menu of your webmail view. I never thought twice about them until I started dating Simon.

He had this wicked habit of looking over my shoulder whenever I would check my Gmail, to see what had come into my inbox since the last time he snooped. He would ask a million insane questions and we would get into horrible fights. I started making sure to quickly slap a label on any new emails and then immediately archive, thus getting messages out of my inbox.

Then Simon noticed my label menu. Of course, that lead to him asking what the labels are for and to see the emails associated with each label. So I found a feature that could hide those too. So when he would look over my shoulder he saw nothing, no labels on the menu and nothing in my inbox.

We got into many screaming matches about my Gmail. He was convinced that I was hiding things from him since my inbox was always cleaned out and he couldn't see the labels anymore. He wanted full access to my email accounts. I was, and always will be adament about the fact that just because I was married to him, it didn't mean I had to give up my privacy.

It's taken me until now to bring back the label links on the side menu. The reason being that I was waiting for a package from Linens'N'Things. The tracking info was in an email which I had labelled and archived. It was getting annoying having to type the label into the search function every time I wanted to track my package. On the 28th time doing this, I remembered that I could just have my labels showing.

So I've turned them back on. And for the last week or so, I freak out when I log into my Gmail. I keep thinking that any moment, Simon will come around the corner, see my labels and start screaming at me.

I still have a long way to go to shake off the shackles of panic.

Ancient Irony

A friend of mine did a Google search on my last name and sent me an excerpt of how my last name may have been derived from the name of a musical instrument at some point in its history. Which is cool as I'm a singer, and anything that connects me more to music is super awesome in my books.

The general meaning of my last name is to "shake hands in peace". I never even thought to look to see if there were any other meanings.

So I went to the link my friend had found and read up on where my last name may have originated. And much to my horror, I found this:

"...may also be derived from the Semitic (Arabic and Hebrew) 'sami' meaning 'to hear' and in fact the root word of the personal name Simon or Shimon."

Irony is an evil thing. I may have to go find this historian and hit him in the head with my separation agreement. :P

Do Over

Of the many things that Simon ruined for me with his angry paranoid delusions, my 31st birthday was one of the most awful public displays of fuck-titude.

That birthday started with drama and ended in disaster. Simon was to have made reservations for my bowling birthday bash at the local bowling alley. He didn't quite get around to that teeny detail and when we showed up, only 5 pin lanes were available. So we headed upstairs to the 5 pin lanes and I tried calling all my expected guests to let them know of the change. I got a hold of most, but some I didn't. So I was constantly keeping an eye on the door to see if my friends had found the place.

Simon decided that I was in fact checking out some guy who happened to be standing by the door the entire time. He freaked out and started screaming at me in front of everyone. I burst into tears and sent everyone home. Happy effing birthday to me.

My 33rd birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I decided that I want to do over my 31st birthday. So I whipped up a Facebook invite and sent it to all my friends, which included the horrible story as to why I wanted a do over.

The one thing I didn't take into consideration is that my invite is public, and available to anyone on Facebook, including stupid ex-husbands who have nothing better to do than to troll around Facebook in the early morning hours doing searches on your name.

I got a message in my Facebook inbox this morning. Here it is, in all its grammatical dysfunction.


Subject: happy birthday( loser)
Date: Today at 5:35am

have fun at bowling....it was lame anyhow.....you just want attention...

grow up....


Hmmmm. Uh. Yeah. Can we say "restraining order coming soon"?

Home Invasion

Over the last week, I've been having crazy nightmares about Simon. The general theme is him coming back into my life in some way.

Most of these dreams take place in the house I grew up in. I did a quick Google search and it turns out that when you dream about a house, it represents your soul.

Last night's dream was particularly crazy and weird. I was back at my old house and I was looking for the spare key to my car. I suddenly realized that Simon had somehow snagged it, and took the car out. He was sending me text messages telling me he'd be home soon.

I remember thinking that he was going to go ape shit when he got home. The reason I was so desperate to get my car was because I had plans the next day with my friend Ryan, and I was driving. Simon didn't know that Ryan and I had become so close. Simon would come home expecting that I take him to wherever it was I was going but of course, I would have to come clean about making plans without him.

He called me and told me he'd won a prize a karaoke and he was going to stay and drink some more. I was like fine, take your time. That would give me some time to come up with a way to distract him and get the key away from him.

He finally showed up and got out of the car. I tried to distract him long enough to get the key. It worked, I snagged it and hid it in my underwear. I noticed he'd gotten a bunch of tattoos on his arms, all bleeding heart type. He grabbed me and started to dance with me. I tried to wiggle free but I couldn't. He couldn't understand why I didn't want to be near him.

Eventually he let me go and wanted to go back to the car. I managed to sneak back into my house and started madly packing things. My brothers and some friends were in the living room now, playing Nintendo.

I ran up to my bedroom still searching, looking for something. I'm not really sure what it was. All I know is there was a sense of panic, I had to get out of there fast before Simon could figure out that we hadn't been together in the last 6 months and that I was moving on.

Then I woke up because snot was running down my face from a stupid cold I managed to catch this week.

I never took psychology in university, but this one seems pretty clear to me. I'm feeling anxious about Simon because he's been very quiet lately. The last time I heard from him was a text message at Christmas. I never responded. I guess I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hopefully it's in the form of him telling me he's found his new soul mate and wants to file for divorce.

The Ayes Have It

So my little poll closed with 100% of you voting that I should file for divorce.

My first reaction would be to fall to peer pressure. After all, you have an outside perspective. Which is usually a clearer, less emotional way of looking at things.

However, I had long discussion with my therapist and have concluded that I won't file for divorce.

Shock! Horror! Dismay!

I thank the 6 of you for your input - believe me, your click was not in vain.

The root of the issue was figuring out what was more important for me, having the marriage dissolved, or having Simon take responsibility for this disaster.

I explained my problem to my therapist, and even begged her to tell me what to do. She laughed and said she couldn't tell me what to do, but she could help me look at the pros and cons of the situation. So I told her everything I was feeling about why I should and shouldn't. And then she reiterated it back to me. It's always different hearing it come back from a person who has absolutely no emotional attachment to you. And as I listened to her telling me what I had just told her, the decision was suddenly so clear.

As I have said many times in the last 6 months, I will never sign a marriage license again. I will have another wedding, but when it comes to the part where we sit down and sign the marriage license, that will be very purposefully omitted from the programme.

For me, I have absolutely nothing to lose by not having the marriage legally dissolved. I have a signed separation agreement that is legal and binding. So as far as I'm concerned, it's done.

For Simon, I'm sure he will be looking to make some unlucky woman Wife #3. He will need more than a signed separation agreement to make that happen.

I understand that at some point I will have to deal with him again. He will need to contact me to get the marriage certificate, as that is required to file for divorce. But that will be a small price to pay to know that he will finally take responsibility in cleaning up the mess he made.

Un-anniversary

January 8, 2006: I walked down the aisle at a little chapel in Las Vegas.

January 8, 2008: I walked down the street in the rain in downtown Toronto.

Happy un-anniversary to me.

Flirty Fun

I went dancing last night with 3 girlfriends, including my Divorce Twin. We hit a packed club, rocked the dance floor and ended up dancing the night away with a pack of hotties. It was two boys for every girl! I was the meat in a hottie sandwich. LOL.

My hips were bumped, my bum was grabbed and I even got a few kisses. I gave my phone number out to two different boys! Count 'em - TWO! I know they won't ever call, but the fact they asked me gave my ego a much needed boost.

Not once did I think about Simon. My DT was also happy to report that she didn't think once about her ex either.

I think this is it folks ... the turning point! :)

Spring Cleaning

I'm trying really hard to clear out the shit I've carried around with me for years. For starters, cleaning out my inbox from my professional website. I've been unable to sleep tonight, so I thought I should start sifting through 5 year old emails. I'm hanging on to a few of these emails, but deleting the rest as I migrate to a new hosting service.

These emails have brought up memories of people and situations that I haven't thought about in years. And I look at how frustrated and upset I was about those things back then.

I read an email I sent to an ex boyfriend of mine telling him exactly what I thought of him. I read an actual apology email from an asshole who stood me up repeatedly, sent about a year after the fact. I read an email about how a friend and I "broke up". And I read a few emails from a person I thought would always be a friend of mine but has slowly faded out of my life.

If I only knew then what I know now. Hindsight is truly 20/20. How evil of time to be linear like that.

Along with cleaning out old emails, I need to clean my bedroom. It looks like a cyclone hit it. Part of the reason is because I just don't have proper storage for clothing. I still have the same bedroom furniture from when I was 6 years old. It's one of the few tangible things I have left that my mother gave to me before she died. So over the years, I've thought a lot about getting new furniture, and then I get horribly guilty about throwing it out. I think that my mom would forgive me, now in my 30s, for getting furniture that would actually accommodate my adult size clothing.

I also need to get a new bed. Frame, mattress and box spring. I chucked out my frame to please my stupid ex husband. It too, was a relic from my 6 year old bedroom. But it was incredibly old and rickety and was ready to fall apart. As for my mattress and box spring, they are perfectly fine. However, I will never be able to share that bed with another man. So I need to get new ones and hopefully that will allow me to have rebound sex sometime in the near future.

Maybe that's why I can't sleep tonight - too much to clean out.

To file, or not to file?

Happy New Year folks! I think 2008 is gonna be GREAT! Well, it will be great once I get a divorce certificate from the Ontario Superior Court of Justice.

Next week I would have celebrated my second wedding anniversary. Instead, I will be a week away from being able to file for divorce. I can file at the 6 month mark, and it will be finalized within the next 6 months.

Looking back, I am still amazed that I've actually come this far. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. If it weren't for the anti-depressants and the time off work, I would have certainly killed myself.

So I have a dilemma now. Do I file, or do I wait for Simon to file? Let's look reasons for why I should file, versus why he should file.

Why I should file
- I won't be tied to him anymore
- I know it will be done accurately and in a timely manner
- I have the money to do it (roughly $500 in total to file)

Why he should file
- It will be the only responsible thing he's done in the entire marriage
- I want him to have to deal with the inconvenience of standing in line at the court house
- I paid for the trip to Vegas to get married, he should pay for the divorce
- It's his fucking fault we're separated

And here's one big reason why I shouldn't file - he won't be able to marry anyone else as long as he's still married to me. And if that saves one woman from suffering the misery that I suffered, I think it's worth it to sit on it and wait.

However, it is the new year and I want to do positive things for myself. I think filing for divorce would be a positive step. I've already listed my engagement ring on Ebay. I plan on using the money I get from the sale to go towards buying a nice 42" LCD TV.

I've added a poll to this page with regards to my dilemma. Feel free to add your two cents. I need all the help I can get with this one.

Adios 2007

I'm sitting here unable to sleep, eating tuna salad and drinking hot chocolate. All I can think about is that this year is FINALLY over. Well, in 24 hours it will be over. And in 24 hours, I will be doing my best to never look back.

Let's recap, shall we?

January 2007: Celebrated my 1 year wedding anniversary.

February 2007: Celebrated my 32nd birthday. Got a call from the building manager asking me if I was in any trouble, as the neighbours were complaining about the loud fights. I lied and said everything was fine.

March 2007: My husband shoved me to the floor leaving a bruise the size of Texas on my rib cage. Had to put a smile on my face and play the doting wife at my stepdaughter's 5th birthday party.

April 2007: Moved into a new apartment. Simon vowed not to scream his head off anymore. Three days later, he breaks that promise and resumes fighting as usual.

May 2007: Screaming, screaming, screaming, screaming.....

June 2007: Simon celebrated his 37th birthday. Fighting reaches an all time insanity level. I kicked him out for a week, and he begged to come home. I relented only after he promised he would start therapy and never scream at me again.

July 2007: Simon kept his "no screaming" promise for one week. I throw him out for good. I changed the locks and proceeded to begin splitting our lives apart. He disappeared for a week after I tossed him out. Later he tells me he spent that week on a bender.

August 2007: Crying, crying, crying....

September 2007: My brother got married. I had a nervous break down.

October 2007: Took stress leave from work. Started anti-depressents and lost 20 pounds in a month.

November 2007: Reconnected with my family, friends and the life I once lived. Social calendar at capacity.

December 2007: Got "never again" tattooed to my rib cage. Went to Mexico for a week and partied like a rock star.

Two-thousand-and-seven can kiss my sweet chunky ass goodbye. I've never been so glad to know a year of my life is gone for good.