File file file

So a few posts ago I had made the decision that I wasn't going to file for divorce. Well, I've changed my mind.

I kept reading that nasty little email Simon sent me for my birthday and the part where he said, "I'm still your husband so respect me" has raised more than a few alarm bells in my head.

I've dreamt about him every night this past week. In all of those dreams, he's come back to me and he's 100% normal. Also, I remember thinking to myself, thank goodness we got back together again and worked everything out.

I guess a small part of me still really hopes that someday he'll come knock on my door and tell me that he's changed, he's fixed it all, and he'll never abuse me again.

My DT is filing tomorrow and she's been encouraging me to do the same. When we talk on the phone, she'll randomly whisper "File, file, file" at the end of sentences. She's so hilarious - I thank my lucky stars I have a funny DT.

Today she called me to see if I could come with her to the court house tomorrow. (Of course) She slipped in another not-so-subliminal "File" message.

That, coupled with the stupid birthday email and crazy dreams, made me stop for a moment and really think about it again.

I was trying to get him to take responsibility for something in the marriage, hence leaving the divorce up to him. However the fact of the matter is, if he were the responsible type, we wouldn't be getting a divorce.

So folks, tomorrow is D-Day for me. Let the death of my marriage finally begin.