Do Over

Of the many things that Simon ruined for me with his angry paranoid delusions, my 31st birthday was one of the most awful public displays of fuck-titude.

That birthday started with drama and ended in disaster. Simon was to have made reservations for my bowling birthday bash at the local bowling alley. He didn't quite get around to that teeny detail and when we showed up, only 5 pin lanes were available. So we headed upstairs to the 5 pin lanes and I tried calling all my expected guests to let them know of the change. I got a hold of most, but some I didn't. So I was constantly keeping an eye on the door to see if my friends had found the place.

Simon decided that I was in fact checking out some guy who happened to be standing by the door the entire time. He freaked out and started screaming at me in front of everyone. I burst into tears and sent everyone home. Happy effing birthday to me.

My 33rd birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I decided that I want to do over my 31st birthday. So I whipped up a Facebook invite and sent it to all my friends, which included the horrible story as to why I wanted a do over.

The one thing I didn't take into consideration is that my invite is public, and available to anyone on Facebook, including stupid ex-husbands who have nothing better to do than to troll around Facebook in the early morning hours doing searches on your name.

I got a message in my Facebook inbox this morning. Here it is, in all its grammatical dysfunction.


Subject: happy birthday( loser)
Date: Today at 5:35am

have fun at bowling....it was lame anyhow.....you just want attention...

grow up....


Hmmmm. Uh. Yeah. Can we say "restraining order coming soon"?