Spring Cleaning

I'm trying really hard to clear out the shit I've carried around with me for years. For starters, cleaning out my inbox from my professional website. I've been unable to sleep tonight, so I thought I should start sifting through 5 year old emails. I'm hanging on to a few of these emails, but deleting the rest as I migrate to a new hosting service.

These emails have brought up memories of people and situations that I haven't thought about in years. And I look at how frustrated and upset I was about those things back then.

I read an email I sent to an ex boyfriend of mine telling him exactly what I thought of him. I read an actual apology email from an asshole who stood me up repeatedly, sent about a year after the fact. I read an email about how a friend and I "broke up". And I read a few emails from a person I thought would always be a friend of mine but has slowly faded out of my life.

If I only knew then what I know now. Hindsight is truly 20/20. How evil of time to be linear like that.

Along with cleaning out old emails, I need to clean my bedroom. It looks like a cyclone hit it. Part of the reason is because I just don't have proper storage for clothing. I still have the same bedroom furniture from when I was 6 years old. It's one of the few tangible things I have left that my mother gave to me before she died. So over the years, I've thought a lot about getting new furniture, and then I get horribly guilty about throwing it out. I think that my mom would forgive me, now in my 30s, for getting furniture that would actually accommodate my adult size clothing.

I also need to get a new bed. Frame, mattress and box spring. I chucked out my frame to please my stupid ex husband. It too, was a relic from my 6 year old bedroom. But it was incredibly old and rickety and was ready to fall apart. As for my mattress and box spring, they are perfectly fine. However, I will never be able to share that bed with another man. So I need to get new ones and hopefully that will allow me to have rebound sex sometime in the near future.

Maybe that's why I can't sleep tonight - too much to clean out.