Revelations

Things come and go rather quickly for my soon-to-be-ex. I got confirmation from two different sources that his relationship with Shannon was kaput as of October 19th.

Facebook is a plethora of information. :)

It's been 16 days since I've been at work. I'm scheduled to go back on October 29th. I can happily say I'm feeling miles better than I was. The medication has done its job, and I'm on the road to wellness. I won't say that I'm not sad anymore, because I am. But I'm not drowning in my own sorrow. I am now able to feel it, but not be consumed by it. Looking back at the last few months, it's amazing I didn't jump off a bridge.

I had a session with my therapist last week and I cried for the first time since being on the medication. But it wasn't a whole hour of blubbering like I used to do before the meds.

A few interesting revelations came out of this session. The first being that Simon is mean. I have always told myself that if he would just get himself into therapy and on medication to treat the manic depression he suffers from, his rage would disappear. My therapist says she knows a lot of people who are bi-polar who are not mean like Simon. She said I shouldn't let him off the hook by trying to attribute his meanness to his mental illness. She's totally right. I married a mean man who also happens to be a nut case, and not someone who is mean because he's a nut case.

Another revelation is that I am a sucker. A big, gullible, hopeless sucker. My therapist's words were, "You are easily fooled by sweet talking and promises." I told her I sound like a country song. She laughed quite a lot, as did I.

I've never considered myself to be gullible when it comes to people. I have always thought I am rather good at judging a person's character - true to a point. I am miserably bad at judging the character of a potential love mate. I look back on all of the long term relationships I've had and all but two have been abusive.

The lesson to be learned is that I should love a man for who is he, rather than who he promises to be. As simple as that sounds, that piece of logic has eluded me in my adult life.

Good thing I plan on never dating again. It will save me the headache of figuring that shit out.