Burned

I had a dream about Simon last night. I dreamt I was in my bed smoking a cigarette because I was so upset about him. (I don't smoke.) I noticed the ashes at the end of my cigarette formed a point like a pencil. So I started to draw with my ashes. I drew pictures of Simon and myself.

Then Simon walked into my bedroom and I crumpled up the drawings so he couldn't see. We went into the living room and took off all our clothes and laid down on the futon. He asked to see my drawings. At first I said no, because I didn’t want him to know I was still thinking about him and missing him. And then I changed my mind and said okay since it looked like we were going to get back together, given the fact we were there naked together.

I climbed on top of him and started hugging him and kissing his face. He looked at my drawings and started to laugh a bit. And I pulled back and looked at him and his face had changed into an exboyfriend of mine who was also extremely abusive.

I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said no. I asked why. He said because he didn’t care about me anymore. He didn’t care about my kiss and my touch. I got up and walked away, back into my bedroom. I could hear him calling me back but I ignored him.

I closed the door and lay back down in my bed. I picked up what was left of my cigarette and kept smoking it right down to the butt. I almost burned myself with the last drag. I threw it onto the floor when it was finished. That’s when I woke up.