Final Countdown

In 32 hours, my Divorce Twin will be filing her second set of court papers. And in 30 days, she'll have a shiny new divorce decree.

In 44 days and 8 hours, I'll be filing my second set of court papers. And then you'll find me passed out in a bar somewhere shortly thereafter. I won't be drinking to drown my sorrows, I'll be drinking to celebrate my freedom!

As identical as this experience has been for me and my DT, there is one fundamental difference. I'm happy about it being over. She's profoundly sad. I am having a hard time providing her support at this point in time because I'm just so bloody happy it's almost done. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear how happy I am.

DT - I love you. You are amazing and strong and even though you are sad, you will be okay. I'm going to keep telling you this until one day you will look in the mirror and realize it's true. It's okay. It'll all be okay. You have the strength to do this, I promise.

Twelve months ago, the beginning of the end arrived. It was June 2007 when everything started to unravel at a speed I couldn't manage. Watching my life dissolve before my very eyes was overwhelming to say the least.

And now sitting here, with twelve months in between that life and this life, all I can do is breathe. Big breath in, and all of it out. My life is better, but not. My outlook is clear, but fuzzy. My hope for the future is there, but not at all. Conundrum. I never really understood the weight of that word until now.

I've had to patch myself back together, piece by microscopic piece. I don't think I've found all the pieces yet. I don't think I ever will. Some were completely obliterated on July 15, 2007. But for the most part, the core of me has been reset to where I was prior to meeting my husband.

I wish life could be like a computer. You can always reboot when everything crashes.